the sweetest little punk ::: this season is a lot of “no”. a lot of 23lb opinions. i am honestly not mad about either. i wish i had learned “no” and a little more of the stick•up•for•myself earlier on in this crazy life. BUT as a mama navigating this wild & free spirited little tyrant, i do get tired. and just when i was too tired to move the other night, felt the tears sneaking in ••• this. a moment where even in her defiant, independent ((the apple doesn’t fall far btw)) moment, she found compassion. she climbed up and held my hand. it’s her new fav. holds it like a real romantic, fingers intertwined. and that my sweet, tired, almost•over•it•too friends is her Thank You. sometimes Thank You doesn’t look like we think it does. honestly either does I’m Sorry.
sometimes we have to meet our people somewhere a little unfamiliar to learn a new level of love. i share this because as a recovering perfectionist ((a whole other blog ••• yikes)) i find more grace daily. i used to think of exactly how it sounded to get “Thank You” and // or “i’m sorry”. i used to be more judgmental and more all knowing. that was really frustrating because well, it’s just not realistic. there are moments in our life that level our emotional playing field. times that we go back to scratch. for me that chapter was titled Divorce. i may owe you a blog on that too but know this, it was dark. darker than dark and it was harder than hard. in my rebuilding i learned that people are people. it’s true what they say that almost everyone is fighting a battle. i learned grace. i learned “no”. i learned Thank You doesn’t always sound like those two words. in fact sometimes it doesn’t come with words at all. and i learned I’m Sorry doesn’t either.
i share these tender and private thoughts because i think we all ((me included)) need to really see and hear what may not even be spoken. learn to find the Thank You. learn to feel the I’m Sorry. sometimes I’m Sorry tastes like your favorite Starbucks drink on the counter in the morning ••• by the way my husband is WAY BETTER at I’m Sorry than i am ((i am really trying to get better)). sometimes Thank You is a two year old zeroing out the space between you on the couch to “wold your wannd mama”. fingers intertwined, nicholas sparks kind of hand holding. sometimes it’s just not what you designed. and i am learning that’s the best kind.
hunt ‘em down sweet friends, you’ll smile when you start to see it. i promise.